By Klara GUDZYK, The Day
Vacations. When their times comes people tend to be more sociable and they
step into the street the way an actor walks onstage, totally exposed to
observations and comparisons, but, unlike the actor, very seldom receiving
applause. In broad daylight habits formed within the four walls of one's
home do not often look attractive, because few of us follow the classical
British gentleman's dictate: while alone behave the way you do when granted
Her Majesty's audience. Out of self-respect. Or maybe because this is the
only way to develop really good manners.
At times relationships between children and adults appear unattractive.
Of course, some parents recognize their children as individuals, respecting
their dignity, but this is the exception, not the rule, in our society.
In this sense we are somewhere in medieval serfdom, with parents acting
as omnipotent feudal lords and children as their humble servants denied
the right to follow their predilections, enjoy their leisure, or take up
a favorite pastime. A small child sits on the seacoast, totally engrossed
in building something like a mosaic version of a fish in colorful pebbles.
Finally there is only the tail to finish, but at this very moment his mother
calls out. Time to go. The boy is so busy he hardly hears his mother and
she raises her voice, then jumps to her feet, comes over irritably and
grabs him by the arm. In doing so she steps on the fish and ruins a couple
of hours' work. Or maybe without knowing it she ruins her son's future?
The boy is desperate. He bends down, picking pebbles, trying to restore
the image. No use. He is ordered to come along. Now! He obeys. How can
a serf disobey his master?
An express indicator of any given family's moral priorities is the way
its children play among themselves and with friends.
Several boys and girls aged 10-12 were playing hide and seek in a large
park. They hid behind trees, jumped down from big boulders. One of them
jumped over a fence, but landed awkwardly, flat on his stomach. He just
lay there, unable to get up it hurt so badly. His friends just ran up,
jumping over him. Not one of them, boy or girl, stopped to ask if he was
all right and offer help. They raced over and away like little predators
hot on the track of their prey.
Several boys in their teens boarded a Crimean trolley, well built, laughing
and cheering. The last to board was a boy with a handsome but sad face.
It was some time before he climbed the steps, because he was on crutches,
his left leg cut off above the knee. And he had a knapsack. Inside he stood
away from the rest of the boys and none of them paid any attention, although
one of them looked very much like him, apparently his younger brother (again
one is reminded of wild animals that instinctively avoid contact with sick
members of the pack). When their stop came he was again the last one to
get off and no one offered to take his knapsack or help him down the steps.
Such pathological indifference can only come from the family, an atmosphere
that surrounds one from one's birth. It is easy to imagine how these teenagers
"help" their ailing relatives, grandmothers, or younger brothers and sisters.
Growing up, sons and daughters seldom notice that their mother looks sick
and should lie down instead of going to work or about household chores.
Perhaps because inculcating simple human sympathy in children is not part
of their parent's program. And family moral dictates often boil down to
working hard to earn enough to keep the youngsters fed and dressed, educated,
and ultimately helped to get good jobs.
No one has the right to generalize observations such as the one described
above. Yet the fact remains that we tend to pay more attention to negative
phenomena, something seen outwardly. Perhaps because positive phenomena
are considered normal and negative ones a deviation. One thing seems certain:
that cruelty which often clouds human relationships is more often than
not cultivated by us ourselves.
