Depardieu has obtained Russian propiska (residence permit) and danced lezginka with Kadyrov.
No, I was wrong. The preceding sentence should have been divided into two separate phrases, so as not to look like saying that Depardieu had been so glad to have his residence permit that he started dancing with Kadyrov. Propiska is, of course, a good thing, but is it a reason good enough to break the flooring?
So the sequence should be as follows.
Depardieu has obtained a Russian residence permit.
Depardieu has become an honorary Udmurt.
Depardieu has danced with Kadyrov.
Depardieu has become an honorary citizen of Chechnya.
Kadyrov has bestowed a five-room apartment on Depardieu.
Kadyrov was wearing a tracksuit.
Depardieu in a suit raced across the stage together with Andrii Khalpakhchi.
Depardieu will play Taras Bulba.
Depardieu met with President Viktor Yushchenko.
Oh, sorry. I have just accidentally copied and pasted some old news from 2007.
The available information strongly suggests that Gerard Depardieu is a deconstructive matryoshka doll of post-Soviet politics. It is obvious like a hundred dollar bill blown by a playful spring breeze into the open vent light of a lonely housewife’s apartment.
Many years of careful observation have allowed researchers to establish the dynamics of the process. Depardieu “folds up” and “unfolds” depending on his surroundings. His wide friendly face smiles at worthy people whose heads wear crowns and lie uneasy at the moment. Once these worthy people fall from power, the great Depardieu folds up into a smaller shape, this small Depardieu becomes smaller still, and so on down to vanishing altogether. He will not be absent for too long, though – look, he is already gracing the shelf of another crowned head, which has not started to fade yet.
And nothing – I mean it, nothing! – should please Depardieu’s innermost doll as much as this tidy little Russian residence permit, for it is a phenomenon of the highest order in Russia. Foreigners obtain it only rarely, while common mortals, regardless of their country of origin, can get it only after placing a few banknotes on a lonely official’s table. The ordinary (post) Soviet citizen will commit every possible atrocity to get propiska or a chance to dance with Kadyrov, while every Western language is unable to find the words which can clearly explain to the European citizen what propiska is.
Even murder is not too high a price for acquaintance with Kadyrov, I mean, propiska. That is why the facts which I have presented in the beginning of this excited text are of mind-fu... well, great importance, both culturally and politically. Depardieu has obtained his propiska. He has done it. At the same time, Propiska has obtained Him, the man it dreamed about.
