We still need a parade. The public holiday, the 20th anniversary of Independence, how can we celebrate it without a parade? It is actually the first solemn day, The Day when our young state will attain its majority. The people have to see its honor and glory, its defense power, its leaders and its respected people, feel the rhythm of the firm pace in the very heart of the Ukrainian capital. It has always been like this, but not at the anniversary?!
So, we have to construct a tribune at its usual place, under the majestic Monument of Independence. All four presidents of our country have to be there and take the parade.
If they do not want a military one since it is too expensive, we have the whole army of those who have developed our state. They have been working for 20 years, carrying out reforms, creating the democratic constitutional state that has taken a due place in the world.
The MPs of all convocations have to walk in an orderly manner headed by the speakers, their assistants and deputies, with the whole Verkhovna Rada machinery, its fractions, committees and turncoats. The secretariats and administrations of all the presidents with their departments and boards, national councils and consultants, spokesmen, advisors and secretaries. The ministers of all the governments led by their prime-ministers, convicted and untried, present and absent. All the spreading power branches where the directors and managers of various ranks and specializations sit crowded together. Briefly, the whole army of those who triumphantly took Ukraine to the fourth place in the rating of the world’s worst economies, where it is catching up with Guinea and Honduras. The people have to see those whom they have been feeding and maintaining for 20 years, whose meetings, benefits, overseas trips, governmental dachas and resorts they have been funding so generously, and finally think if it is worth feeding this “army” for 20 more years.
The judicial authorities have to demonstrate their achievements, too: the prosecutor-generals and their deputies, judges, investigators, the police, the security service, all its departments and sub-departments that also make the whole army that is on the watch of the laws and that has to protect the society from both inside and outside threats. They have to carry the portraits of Gongandze, Aleksandrov, Chornovil, Hetman, of all those who were killed and tortured by the police, those who died or mysteriously disappeared. The portraits of Kravchenko who killed himself at home with two shots in the head, the portraits of Kyrpa and Kushnariov whose mysterious deaths would have made the black puzzles of our justice clearer.
The Constitutional Court wearing red gowns should carry the Constitution turned upside down and interpreted according to the current needs of the government. The “beggar-judges” have to carry the bags with money on their backs, the officials and corruptionists caught in the act or not, everyone with a brand of the crime they committed with their eyes on the presidents standing at the tribune with the plates on their necks indicating what they have sold over the last 20 years: the fleet and nuclear weapons, the industry and strategic objects, the Orange Revolution and Ukraine.
It was probably the right decision to cancel the military parade since previously, at least, presidents of neighboring countries used to come or the Brunei sultan sent his greeting and the holiday was celebrated on the international level. Now even the Russian president is unlikely to come since selling Ukraine off is not enough for our brotherly country; Russia wants Ukraine to stop its existence. We became a rogue country in Europe and decent politicians will not share the tribune with ours.
Besides, our people are very irresponsible. They might take tomatoes or eggs with them, despite their increasing prices, and pelt at the tribune or even flush somebody using a fire pump. And now they just silently stand along Khreshchatyk up to the Maidan, watch the parade and draw conclusions.
The honored people of Ukraine have to make a separate column in full feather with their medals and orders, probably, looking down since some of them honestly worked, though futile, for the jaws of the system crushed everything they did. The Heroes of Ukraine have to be incorporated into this column and numbered since if Ukraine has so many heroes, their number has to transform into their quality one day and demonstrate the convincing evidence of the heroism.
We have to see the raiders wearing black masks and armed with crowbars and guns; the directors of the mines carrying thousands of coffins of miners who died at their working places over the last 20 years; the bankers bent under the weight of the money of the cheated depositors and the jet set representatives driving in their cars and crushing everyone on their way.
The fifth column should march carrying the banners “Hands off the Russian language!” They should be followed by the hysterical protesters and priests burning incense and cursing everybody. Kalashnikov’s namesake should take his “Ukrainian Union of Military Forces” to the parade in order to give it a special military charm. All the visible and invisible blocks of the “Russian unity,” the chauvinists and xenophobes of every color have to defile, too, and finally loudly and sincerely declare their credo: “Ukraine is for the Russians!”
All the Ukrainian parties should walk past the tribune carrying their diverse flags; about two hundred parties, large, small and even tiny ones, headed by the reputable leaders even if they lead only themselves. The “protyvsikhy” [those who do not support any political party. – Ed.] have to walk in a proud and elevated manner with their furious leader on a broom.
Above all this in the Kyiv sky there are bright balloons: orange, white and blue, blue and red, blue and yellow and red ones. The oligarchs friendly look out of them and wave their hands with paternal smiles on their faces.
Finally, the Kyiv mayor will come from the space, covered with the absorbing packages of the Chinese buckwheat; he will land on the town hall stairs and sing in the microphone for his beloved electorate. It will be the artistic part of the parade. Some of the journalists will perform the hare zigzag on the stubs of the presidential residence. His press-secretary will dance a graceful pirouette with a cake and the Prosecutor-General’s staff will dance to “Murka” [song, used to be popular among criminals. – Ed.]. Those who have signed the faithful letters will perform an acrobatic performance – a dog’s servile point. The MPs who press the buttons will play the virtuosic etudes of voting instead of their absent colleagues. The MPs who fight will demonstrate their martial arts. The minister of education will juggle with the books of the Ukrainian history. The caryatid of the humanitarian policy will support the falling ceiling of our spirituality. The Ukrainian star, a People’s Artist of Ukraine will sing her popular hit “I am Your Girl in a Posh Car.” The Parliament conductor will play the oratorio “Ukraine for the People” and the current prime minister will play solo on a gas pipe.
The holiday extravaganza will finish with a grey van covered with portraits of Yulia Tymoshenko pushed by Berkut and Hryfon staff through the protesting crowd, breaking someone’s ribs, dumping or pulling people on the asphalt. This van will be followed by a cage with a member of the previous government, the former minister of home affairs, resembling Russian Pugachov. The people involved into other surrealist trials look out of the other cages.
The young and promising judge Rodion Kirieiev winks at the people. Vierka Serdiuchka sings her variant of the national anthem: “Ukraine Has not Died If We Are Having Such Fun!” Four presidents put their hands on their hearts.
The national event “Ukraine-20” is being carried out throughout the country. Obviously, this is a new format of public holidays’ celebration. Judging from the recommendations heard on the radio it looks like this: people get together near the post offices wearing the national costumes and drawing number 20 on their faces, hands or just sheets of paper. They sing, dance and wish something to each other. It is easy to guess what exactly they wish.
