A carcass or a rump, please? This phrase is like a “hello” among lawmakers and meat-cutters. In 1648, the forcibly divided British Parliament was nicknamed “the Rump,” and since then any part of a legislative institution that represents the rest of the body has not been called otherwise. Centuries later, the Ukrainian parliamentary milieu introduced one more cooking word – “carcass” – into the political cuisine [“tushka,” literally “carcass,” is a Ukrainian parliamentary jargon word that means “party line-crosser.” – Ed.]. In this country, it is, like the “rump” was for Oliver Cromwell, a semifinished product to effect democratic changes that precede usurpation of power.
The English scenario won’t do, though. In the 700 years of parliamentarianism, people in the money and in power have never been running from Westminster to Whitehall. But in this country MPs seem to have itchy feet under the roof of their own house. They’ve been running from Oleksandr Morozov, to Volodymyr Rybak, and so on. It is everybody’s guess why the honorable folks periodically leave their long-occupied one-chamber seats. A Paulskirche-type project on Bankova St.? Very unlikely. Democracy with hereditary monarchy might as well feel good in the old room. Were they afraid of oppositionists? Also unlikely. A loose majority, deprived of capitals and means of management, is forcing a solid bulwark of the country’s leadership to hide? I don’t believe this. It may be a signal to people: see, electorate, where power is concentrated and take a good note of this! The president and we are as united as are the people and the army.
Yet a mobile parliament is not the last thing in an operational and fast-changing context. If need be, you can not only run across the street, but also fly to any nook of the universe. A law package could be passed, if necessary, far away from the press and other undesirable elements. You just book a charter flight to Barbados, and advantages begin to rain in. Firstly, your workplace comes closer to your customary holiday spot. Secondly, the press’s importunity is liberally neutralized by the air ticket price. Thirdly, what is the difference between Barbados and Ukraine? The same color of flag, the same trident as on a Maserati, and a population without surprises – descendants of the victims of forced labor at Spain’s mines. All is so habitual and recognizable.
The sinister silence of empty corridors and a podium left to its own devices had a harmful effect on the opposition, too. The “rump’s” routine relocation exercise was inaptly compared to the 1991 abortive coup. What a scare indeed! Thanks to that “coup,” we gained independence ahead of time. Besides, peaceful MPs do not look like putschists. The latter hatched plans and plots, and our MPs just came to where they were told to come. They have no powers – of their own or usurped. No complaints! As for the joint toe-dancing corps de ballet, there are no objections. The divertissement was a success with both the “rump” and “carcasses.” And Siegfried, who hurled a challenge to fate, and Odette, who is ready to give up her crown, – all is a spitting image of Swan Lake. Very touching.
DRESSING DEALS
Years later, parliamentarians of Somalia or North Korea will undoubtedly embark on the winding road of young democracy and recall or even make use of a political metaphor born in our country. A time will come to take pride in the introduction of the affectionate designation of the body of a slaughtered and disemboweled animal into the parliamentary tablets.
So it is widely believed that “carcasses” will put Batkivshchyna on the Party of Regions’ table. Hardly disputable! Take any purchase contract, and you will see the deal’s axiom from the very first lines: the seller, on the one hand, and the buyer, on the other. Everything depends on whether the buyer has money and the one who is eager to meet a demand is prepared to realize himself. A consensus is in the offing. Now the sacramental question: which of the contracting parties is worse?
I am sure most of my compatriots will say that both of them are good and will spit at those who buy and sell with a feeling of profound satisfaction. But over-brimming emotions and saliva will not set the situation right.
A scandal erupted in North America 25 years ago. A chain of seafood restaurants served lobsters smaller in size than the law allowed. The authorities put the heat on the chain, but it shifted the blame to fishermen – they made the catch, so whip’em good and proper! A lengthy trial that followed “whipped” the restaurateurs, not the fishermen, because the former created a demand and the latter only satisfied it. The relationship is obvious: if the crustaceous fry is not taken in anywhere, it will never enter the holds of trawlers. This case is well known to the jurists who study case law and is clear to anyone who can think logically. Unless you remove the causes, you will always come across the same problem – with “carcasses,” “bribes,” “bids,” “auctions,” and other fields, where the bountiful tree of corruption shakes its generous fruits down to the feet of the elect.
The Soviet system fought for a clean governmental machine in a Jesuitical way, meting out an equally strict punishment to those on the give and on the take. The communists ignored the root causes of the phenomenon, saying that enveloped money was a bribe for officials. We can imagine now the number of the people who mainly live off these funds as well as the blood circulation system of the governmental body, where bribes play the role of hemoglobin. The system gets the upper hand everywhere by means of pups [an allusion to Nikolai Gogol’s works. – Ed.], greenbacks, and “carcasses.” It is naive to mark banknotes and beat up line-crossers in an attempt to clean up the party ranks. It is naive to swear on the blood for reliability of party members whom the cynical retail aces will break, some time later, with the tortures of temptations and fears. Is better perhaps to target arrows at those on the take? Who stands to gain from press-reported price lists for the bodies of dead MPs? Maybe, the buyer-ups who advertise a unique purchasing power?
I can well imagine a modest regional councilor pondering on these figures. He will go the whole hog to make his way to the place where he will be paid for a vote and a mandate an amount that equals the budget of one of his oblast’s districts. Here is the Ukrainian Dream of a deputy! Even if the stories about millions paid for crossing the moral line may be a smoke screen that hides the violence of tightwads, it is still attractive.
WIKIPEDIA IS NOT ALWAYS PERFECT
To assure authorship for centuries to come, let us immediately enter “carcass” into Wikipedia. All the more so that the .ua online reference book was rated the world’s fastest growing resource the other day. Excellent news for those who understand Ukrainian! We are at last punishing in the information world the great neighbor who has until now been spawning reference messages all over the “Russian World” which still harbors so many things that are unfathomable to the Ukrainian heart and mind. Add to this the common heroes whom they classify as traitors, an internecine scramble for outstanding persons, and absolutely dissimilar historical truth. There have also been some totally inexplicable differences. Therefore, one virtual victory in the Google encyclopedia will not put an end to disputes. Here is an example that is very far from politics and national pride.
Type the phrase “inventor of the radio” (in Russian) in the browser and click. You will get at once a response about Aleksandr Popov who “delivered a scientific report on April 25, Julian calendar, and on May 7, Gregorian calendar, on the application of electromagnetic waves.” Waves are not the radio, of course, but that’s OK. Now change the language and type the same phrase in Ukrainian, and you will get quite a predictable commentary from Wikipedia with our domain address: “On May 7 (April 25, Julian calendar), 1895, Popov delivered a report at a meeting of the Russian Physical and Chemical Society in Petersburg and demonstrated the action of his communication devices. It was one of the first experiments that showed radio communication.” Go on searching and ask about this epoch-making discovery in English. You will see a strange thing: the “inventor” Popov will disappear, giving way to the names of James Clerk Maxwell, David Edward Hughes, and Heinrich Hertz. If you enquire Wikipedia in any other language of international communication, there will be the “English result.” If only things were confined to the radio! Everything is far more serious. The picture of the world varies with the language in which you make an enquiry. Wikipedia growth rate leadership would undoubtedly be a good thing if quality did not lag behind. For this reason, I am not happy so far about the successes of our “Wikimen” – maybe, they are not ours at all.
